“We can always choose, and create space for what we want to keep with us!!”… Let’s start the post with this sentence from my last post. Goshhh almost 5 months have passed, when I wrote it.
What can I say? It seems that a lot happened and at the same time nothing happened.
Starting with part that a lot has happene d. I lost my job, found a new one which also sponsored my visa. I moved to a different neighborhood, a new temporary home. I met a wonderful person.
And you can probably ask, but why you said that nothing happened?
Because I still have no confirmation from the gov.about the visa, the new position has been a lot challenging; specially in terms of organization, workload , so lots of patience. I’m still living with relatives, and the wonderful person I’ve met thought that I was asking too much and kept moving with his own life.
I felt like if I had turned 360 degree, instead of 180. The positive angles mixed with the negatives, and I came back to Zero,aybe the same place?!
But no. I am now more prepared to see that I have the tools to move forward with me, to understand that if things didn’t go MY WAY, they do not necessarily need to be negative .
So, the first tool to use in this journey is APPRECIATION AND GRATITUDE.
Appreciation for the people that on my first call, when I asked for help with work, they were there for me. They extended their hands and went an extra mile in order to help.
Gratitude to have the family I have here in NY. They opened the doors of their home, and not only that on, but opened their hearts, as always, they were there for me.
Pedro, my brother, an absolute amazing person. I am so happy that our relationship evolved.
Friends, here and from Brasil. I decided to tell about my situation to a few people, and they kept checking on me.
Appreciation to my new bosses, who entrusted me this new position, even with the inconvenience of having to deal with lawyer, documentation and the American Immigration system.
And finally, last, but not least, the “sempre engraçadinho” guy, who gave me courage to keep moving forward (indirectly, he may not have a clue about that), who showed me that you should move closer, go after your passions. Who remind me that love is a process inside out. It’s what you have to share and not to ask, beg for, not conditional. And that if he cannot be there for you, on your happy and sad days, you have to recognize his other qualities and understand that this is what the person can offer to you right now, and then later look for someone that could share this ideas, if this is what you want (easy said than done) – I still miss him.
So the bottom line is: I’m still struggling with the unknown, and I have no clue what the heck is going to happen next, but I’m not desperate as I was before (2 years ago). I do feel overwhelmed , afraid, stuck, but understand that those are states that come and go, and I can overcome them, if I decide to face them, instead of pretending they are not there.
My Buddhist practices have made wonders, thanks also to my therapist, great one. We need to recognize that asking for help is the most courageous act of all.
I will post more about some of learning tools and methods, people that I’ve been looking for experience, practices that have been helping me.
Much love! 💗